Herpes and sexuality? Yes, it's possible

Many people living with herpes will restrict or even put aside their sexuality. Why do they do this? Fear of transmitting the virus, fear of rejection, diminished sense of desirability, etc. Yes, herpes has a major impact on sexuality, but it's perfectly possible to have an active and fulfilling sexuality while living with it!

Where do we start?

First of all, you need to educate yourself. By knowing how the virus is transmitted and how to reduce the risks of transmission, you'll feel much more in control of this little skin virus. It's important to know that for transmission to be possible, there must have been direct contact between the area affected by the active virus and an entry point on the unaffected person (wound, microlesion, mucous membrane).

In addition, the virus is active at three times:

• When there are visible lesions.
• If you have prodromal symptoms (the warning signs of a herpes outbreak: burning, itching, tingling, etc.).
• During the period of asymptomatic excretion.

Cette période inquiète beaucoup de personnes. C’est un moment où le virus est en quantité suffisante sur la peau pour être infectieux. Cependant, il n’y a pas assez de virus pour causer des symptômes perceptibles. Il existe donc un moment imprévisible de transmission sans symptômes apparents. Cela entraîne beaucoup de craintes.Il faut toutefois se rassurer. Cette période se produit très rarement dans une année. Elle ne représente qu’environ 1 à 3 % du temps. De plus, elle a tendance à diminuer avec les années. Imaginez qu’on vous dise que vous avez 1 % de chance d’être frappé par la foudre en sortant ce matin. Sortiriez-vous quand même ? C’est bien probable.

How to reduce risk?

To feel more in control during sex, there are a number of things you can do. Here are just a few:

Condoms and dental dams

 The use of internal and external condoms and/or dental dams is recommended, especially when symptoms are present. These limit the contact zones that could potentially lead to transmission. It's also important to know that condoms don't protect all the areas affected by the herpes virus, so you need to be vigilant for symptoms and prodromes. You need to take the time to learn how the virus affects your body, so that you can identify any noticeable symptoms and limit direct contact between the affected area and the unaffected person, if any.

 The use of a lubricant during intercourse is another way of limiting transmission, since it reduces friction and therefore microlesions, which are entry points for the herpes virus.

Abstinence Yes, abstinence is recommended during symptoms and for a few days after recovery to avoid the possibility of transmission. However, abstinence does not mean no sex! It's an opportunity to explore other sexual spheres and practices that involve a reduced risk of transmission, such as sensuality, caresses, kisses, erotic massages, mutual masturbation, oral sex, watching erotic videos and much more! Sexuality involves many dimensions and practices, not just penetration. So it's a good time to take the time to explore them! This means adapting your sexual practices to the possible risks involved.

Suppressive mode treatment

 Taking the treatment in suppressive mode, i.e. once a day, considerably reduces the number of recurrences, the risk of transmission and asymptomatic excretion. These act by reducing the amount of virus in the body, are highly effective and have few side effects. This method is recommended for people who have more than six recurrences a year. However, it is possible to take it to reduce the possibility of transmission to a partner, since its effectiveness has been proven. In fact, this method reduces the possibility of transmission to 1.1% over one year, with or without a condom!

Early disclosure to partners

 Disclosure to the partner reduces the possibility of transmission by 50%. It is important because it enables partners to take the necessary steps to ensure safe sex, and thus break the chain of transmission. The first step towards effective and optimal disclosure is to take the time to learn about the virus. Your partner will probably have questions, and it's important that you know how to answer them to show that you're in control of the situation. What's more, you need to take the time to accept your condition before disclosing it, since it's hard to get someone else to accept what you don't accept yourself!

Negotiating a joint agreement with partners

 It's important to take the time to communicate about how to manage the sexual health of both partners with herpes. Negotiate and compromise on the risk-reduction methods you will or will not use. For example, if you don't want to use a condom because you're allergic to latex, you might decide to use lubricant during intercourse and take the treatment in suppressive mode to limit the possibility of transmission.

Finally, by knowing and using the risk-reduction methods that are right for you, healthy and fulfilling sexuality with herpes is indeed possible. It's perfectly normal to be afraid of passing the virus on to your partner. But it's important to ease your guilt by remembering that you don't have to take all the responsibility for your and your partner's sexual health. Everyone is responsible for their own sexual health! If your partner is willing to take this risk by having a sexual relationship with you, it's because he or she is willing to live with the risks, and that's his or her responsibility.

In short, never let anyone tell you that you should stop having sex because you have herpes. It's a minor and very common infection that shouldn't affect your sex life at all. Everyone has the power to be sexually fulfilled, with or without a virus!

Written by Andréanne Dupont, graduating student in sexology - Translated in 2024 by CAPAHC

Pour plus d’informations vous pouvez consulter : Info-Herpes